In my Declaration of Incompetence post, I talked about my years of avoiding the artist path—always circling around the idea but never committing. Today, I decide to be a Deliberate Artist. I caught myself asking what that truly meant… what does it mean to be deliberate? I personally read de-liberate, sounded weird to me….was it to remove liberation (like de-capitate)??? Why would i want to remove liberation?….so I did a little research on the meaning and its etymology…
Deliberate comes from the Latin word…..Dēlīberāre
dē- means → off, away, thoroughly.
Lībra → a balance, scale (same root as the zodiac, Libra)
Dēlīberāre meant:
to weigh things out
to examine by balancing ones options…
A scale. A pause. A weighing before chosen action.
Turns out it has nothing to do with freedom or liberation. The trap is in modern English where the Latin word for freedom is Liber.
Libra and Liber look and sound similar—but are completely different roots.
Deliberate means to place one’s possible actions on the scale and judge their weight before acting.
To suspend reflex
To pause between choice and action
To exercise evolutionary capacity to think before impulse
The Evolutionary Pause is what separates us from the unconscious human—a regulated human vs regressed human.
So here’s a deliberate attempt ACT of going against my grain. The mistakes and all, the raw stuff. No curating. I post this video to rebel against perfectionism and actively work towards my thoroughly weighed choice of being (I will have to do my research on its meaning and etymology on the word Artist). For now, I choose to ACT against my maladaptive habit to ruminate (to weigh → re-weigh → never act). Just as much as I don’t know what the next sentence will be after this one, I choose to act anyway.
I’m winging it.
And winging it is accepting the faults and the misteps that come wtih flowing. Here’s to a raw post of me diving into a new mode of being. I always wanted to play the piano. I started playing random audio sketches on my MIDI keyboard about a month ago. Here lies my first imperfection of becoming—posting unfinished work before i’m ready.
